Anyway, enough of that. What I'm going to write about instead, is my new all-time favourite TV show (Marc's jury is still out but I bet Paul loves it too) - The Deadliest Warrior! It's utterly, utterly ridiculous but one of the most entertaining things I've seen in years. All those drunken pub arguments are finally laid to rest. The basic idea is that two historical warrior types are pitted agin each other in a hypothetical battle to the death. Each "side" has it's own experts who put forward the case as to why their warrior would knock the bollox out of the other and then the resident boffins crunch the numbers in some made-up computer program (it looks like a spreadsheet actually) to see who'd win.
The best parts are when the experts demonstrate the different weapons on these mannequins made from ballistics gel, bones and gunk representing brains, blood, guts etc. and then slag off the opposing side. Last night's episode was A Pirate vs. A Knight. One of the guys SMASHED a morning-star into the dummy's head completely obliterating it's skull.......
Knight Expert - Awwwww dude, you are GOIN' DOWN! Your brains are gonna be stuck in your beard n'shit. You ain't gettin up from this man. Like, no way.
Pirate Expert - Yeah? I'm just gonna step aside when you swing that thing then shoot you in the balls with my blunderbuss!
It's fucking hilarious. One of the things I really love about it is the unadulterated joy they exhibit when something particulary nasty and violent happens. Again, last night's episode showed the effects of the Pirate's Granada (a bit like an 18th century nail bomb) on a pile of pig carcasses. It exploded and tore fucking lumps out of the pork. The lads could barely contain themselves with the whooping and hollering. I just know that I'd be the same....
Quality tv it's not but it's still a fantastic concept. It's just so unbelievably tacky. This is the ad for the current second season. Any ideas? Yes - you've guessed it! A Viet Cong vs. A Nazi SS Officer! What a fucking brilliant idea! Some of the upcoming battles are between types - Saxons vs Trojans, Persian Immortals vs. Aztecs - and then actual historical figures - Robert E. Lee vs. Pancho Villa, Genghis Khan vs. Attila the Hun (I'm actually laughing here). anyone any ideas of who they'd like to see? Me, I'd go for Charlie Haughey vs. Galileo. I just fucking bet that Charlie would be an eye-gouging, ear-biting, cheek-hooking King of the Travellers type fighter and he'd have that telescope up that guinea fucker's arse before you could say Moriarty!
8 comments:
It is a good show alright. Not only do they test all the weapons and then run the figures through their "programme" (which I reckon is a spreadsheet alright) 100 times to see who comes out on top the most, but they also do a final choreographed battle sequence with the two lads using their array of weapons. The last one I saw was Shakka Zulu vs William Wallace. It was mental. Wallace knocked the bollix out of him in the end, but not until after Shakka had blown his little bag of blinding dust into the Scotsman's eyes. Sneaky fucker.
PS. IS that how you are going to leave the blog. It looks half finished mate.
Shakka vs William Wallace - I'm really laughing here! I'd love to see a go between Shaka Khan (the big haired soul singer) and Shakira - just to keep the theme going - I reckon I'd probably want to see them battling it out in the nude n'all.
What do you mean "half finished". I was going for the minimalist look but I'll waste a few hours tomorrow fluting around with it. In the meantime, why do you do something constructive instead and post something....
Can't go posting too much at once. It would be like having a big feed after being on hunger strike, you would just puke it all back up again.
Speaking of Shakira, have you noticed how she is the bulb off Beyonce. Plus you never see the two of them in the same room together.
I was very impressed with your post formatting though. How do you get the text and photos justified like that?
The post editor is pretty good - they seem to have improved it anyway. You upload photos or pics from your pc and then you can chose where to put it in relation to the text. Use the preview option to make sure it's where you want it.
I'm away to me bed...
Can't go to bed yet, chasing me losses at poker
Good post Stephen, I have been skyless for the past 6 months so I am missing out on quality TV obviously. Tell me, how is Dog the Bounty Hunter these days? I would like to see him up against Rasputin in Deadliest Warrior for sure.
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